Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
don't judge my taste in strippers
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
