Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
