i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
