I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize