just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
