Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
