i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
