he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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