That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
