you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
