I am puke
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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