I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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