I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
