It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
