Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
