my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
