She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
