Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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