just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
