matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
there is glitter all over my balls
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