I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
