New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
