Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
