One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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