He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
