i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
