I wanna bring you to show and tell
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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