I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
