There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
