and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
