im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
