I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
