the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
