My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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