chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
