I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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