Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Still dying that you shit outside
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
