My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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