So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
