the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
why do cheetos always look like penises
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
