so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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