he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
