Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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