did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
