Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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