38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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