Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
