Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just googled if crying burns calories
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
