what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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