How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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