This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
