Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
