I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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