I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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