Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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