Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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