remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
