Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
