i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
