You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
