how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize