capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
