Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We're too hungover to prance.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He shit in the fireplace
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