I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
