i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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