It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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