Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize