guys are not supposed to queef...right?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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