Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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