Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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