is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
