i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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