he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
