Hey man sorry I got all grabby
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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