I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
