Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
