i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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