Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
zippers are such a cool invention
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
