Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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