i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
