How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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