Nicole vs. Life
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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