i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
