you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
