and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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